Saturday, April 29, 2006
What do the folks think?
I wonder if my folks think I'm boring and spiritless etc. I think if I were my mom, I'd be quite disgusted.. you know? I'll think that my kid's so dull, she just does whatever I make her do really unwillingly and not very properly. But I know she'll continue cos she's halfway ok at it.. and she likes to collect all these third-party confirmations of that. I wouldn't like me much becuase I wouldn't talk to me, I'd just keep all these secrets from me, and whatever I know will just be whatever I choose to tell me. And I'll probably be pissed off that I don't stand up to me, not outright anyways. What an awful sort of kid to have.Alright it's particularly tiresome to be coherent about this, I shan't bother.
Remotely related: So I've been having trouble sleeping because - ridiculous as this sounds - I'm too eager to be awake. It's like my mind's just running and my body can't keep up ugh!!!! Speaking of body and fitness.. OK a sigh will suffice. I am ruined.
Hey I went off point! That wasn't even remotely related. This is, sort of: I realised the extent to which I did rubbish during the exams. I have a lot of crap in my computer now. Not crap as in useless stuff, but evidence of non-study. OK here I sigh; my grades are ruined. But, heehee. The idiots' guide to acrylic I'd found is very convenient of course. It's a bit sian 'cos my mom can't stop peering over my shoulder ("since when did you learn to do art? didn't you sister do it for you? thought you fail???") I mean, yeah that's all true, I really suck at this man, but it doesn't mean I can't mess around alright??????????? Although I must admit it took me a while to figure that out (the have-fun-even-though-you-suck-thing) but now that I have gained enlightenment, I can have a lot more fun, hurhur. Anyways have to learn to USE the stuff, like.. how to mix colours. I have z.e.r.o technique now. It's all very ugly and bad. Don't know how to use brush strokes either. THIS IS HELLA CHEAP HOBBY!!!!!!! (not really, but cheap for compromising beginners) Can't wait to find more medium to ruinnnnnnnnnnn. Teehee.
evelyn at 8:29 PM
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
The Next Post: growing up in (singaporean) style
Since I'm all grownup now, let me say a few things:1. "it's a matter of perspective" is what grownups say to bluff you, ok?
2. it's ok to fail public law, because 2:2 won't kill you, ok?
3. if you're grownup, you can choose not to study as long as you decide to suck it up, and no one can stop you, ok?
4. "growup la" is good ammo to fling at unsuspecting growing friends, ok?
5. For example: "life is only lousy if you're dissatisifed, so grow up already OK"
6. Saying "orisinal is unfashionable so stop wasting time and be a man" is also a waste of time (although i'm not a man), it could have replaced it with "growup la", ok?
7. and so, being grownup, you must hastily use your new knowledge, and follow "growup la" with "unless you choose not to study, then you must suck it up, and no one can stop you", which is the perk of growing up, OK? See #2
8. having said that, maybe i can check orisinal out after all, although i am grownup and grownups don't do that. See #6.
9. but growing up is also growing old, is also growing dead, so, i will try to stop at nine hopefully to live jiu~jiu~. byebye.
evelyn at 1:48 AM
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
The great turnaround
Haha knew it wouldn't take long, as always. After obsessing a whole morning I've come to these conclusions:1. It's all a matter of perspective
2. I didn't suck all that much, not really, I think I just have to learn to handle things better.
3. We'll all stop talking about this in 2 days.
4. Learning how to handle things better means not stamping my foot, or feet, depending, when that familiar childhood situation represents itself.
5. Because I'm no longer a kid, I can't react in the same way. This is why #4 has to be learnt. We call this growing up.
6. That growing up can be a chore, but honestly I think I'm irritating even myself trying to celebrate irresponsibility.
7. That yeah ok I could afford to be last time, and I can't now, and maybe that sucks, but I'd have had to learn whether or not some things happened in between. So, what gives me the right to think I'm suffering particularly, huh?
8. That growing up has to happen, no matter how scared (2 posts down), unwilling (last post) or unable (no post, factual impossibility) I am. So I shall do so in style (next posts).
And I shall stop at at auspicious eight. : ) blahblahblahblahblahblahblahbahbahbahbababa8.
evelyn at 9:21 PM
Monday, April 24, 2006
LUVLUV
may 7th is annual airport day! jiahui my dear watch out i'm coming over, teehee. aaaaaaaaaah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!***
There are a lot of things to like and dislike about the current situation. Happy dissatisfaction, mmhm..
The nice part is that there is a lot of peace around. Let me try to accord this more weight, at least paragraph wise. So, peace is obviously good. It is also exceptionally so, because it's relatively new. I think I'm still adjusting to the processes of creating and preserving it. It's a bit of a jam (ha! ha!) cos I'm lousy and sometimes this leads to:
The not-so-nice part, I think. Eg. the pressure to always decide correctly. Sweating the Smallest Stuff probably sums this up and the slope ain't no sweat-slip for nothin' YO.
Or, having to settle for less both ways.
Or trying not to beat self up.. and then convincing self nobody's to blame. I'm not too sure who buys this the whole thing, and it must be clear no human can knock sense into me obstinate self. It's grown to be such an evil(yn) cycle.. man I should be bigger than this. (See?)
Anyways, today, I shall lament fishbowls, seniority, underappreciated best intentions and my own temper. And neurosis. I think I miss having some room to make selfish choices. See post below re: growth, See archives re: stupid hangups, See also author re: irresponsibility.
***
OK. So much for that. Tomorrow's the day blahblah then Vacation, which means I have 2 days to get out of the funk, or risk being alternately noxious/deflated company, not to mention the general bad omen of kicking things off feebly.
Yeah 11 things to do this blasted holiday:
1. fit the vino gown two months premature.
2. mess with paints etc.
3. learn squash
4. do that mini triath thing
5. be committed (memorise soon)
6. hang out with little assortment of cousins and cheesecake. well it's nice they like me i guess.
7. make the cheesecake?
8. break a habit
9. maybe get out more.
10. ........ the usual apply. temper, pride, martyrdom etc.
11. ** new!! ** check tendency to.. to.. donno. be lousy, poisonous, wishy-washy 3-in-1. or it would unfortunately be 13 things to do, which is a no-no. See above generally re: bad omens.
***
blahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! blah.
evelyn at 8:26 PM
Thursday, April 20, 2006
Dinner talk
We are waiting for steamed fish and my mom. I slouch at the head of the table. Still folded huh, my sister asks, continuing from MSN earlier in the day. It's newfound communication (between us) and works like a dream, because neither of us speak like how we SMS. Plus her nick momo is very cute. Cute is unfashionable but I think that's cute. So I slump a little lower into my seat and mumble, yeah tomorrow show hand / I can't believe it's the end in a week / I don't feel like I've learnt a thing since January, since when do days pass as quickly as years? all in one breath and Then it hits me: if this were a three year course, I'd be 1 day 1 week and 1 acad year to a working eternity, and I gaze at my sister in awe because that was precisely what she did. She grew up like it took no effort. My mom arrives with the yummy dead that grew all the way up just to be eaten. Sigh.evelyn at 7:10 AM
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
OK. It will suffice to say that I've lost even myself as a fan. Still, probably no amount of admonishment will make any sort of difference.evelyn at 1:05 AM
Sunday, April 09, 2006
last.fm
holler folks, please go check this nifty device out. there are heaps of similar programmes but red cannot be argued with!OK i'm adding on to this post cos it's like, a waste of space to get a new post going seeing how there's that wide expanse of white that accompanies every entry. the short is that, Yeah, I Need To Lighten Up and... and here I delete Many More Lines That I'd Typed Like This. Because I really Just need to kickback, Now. Tweety I am not.
evelyn at 5:25 PM
Friday, April 07, 2006
i must be the luckiest girl in the world
just a thought. i can't think of any reasons to dispute that, so it must be true. i must be the luckiest girl in the world, because i'm lucky enough to be the happiest, or perhaps just the most optimistic, because c'mon, whose waistline can afford a perpetual sugar high? i'm so lucky i almost feel guilty.evelyn at 11:55 PM